This blog will be dedicated to my quest for continuous self-improvement. I will read and attempt to implement processes and ideas in a search for a system that works for me as a way to improve myself. I will attempt each process for 2 weeks and journal about my journey, results and progress.
Daily Reflection -January 21, 2017
In an effort to self improvement and becoming the best me that I can I have set goals for myself in 2017. I will use this blog to reflect on my progress.
What Did I Learn Today?
I learned that the Election of 1789 was more complicated than I thought. I pictured it as a campy high school drama. I’m now seeing the big questions that the leaders of the time were wrestling with. Do we continue as a space of many colonies governed by the Articles of Confederation or do we allow more power to our government risking a slide back to absolute power, but strengthening the total of the sum of its parts? We’re still wrestling with those questions today? And we still see the consequences of leaning one way or another today.
Goals
What are my goals?
Roles
Health
- I will find a system that ensures I eat nutritiously at least 80% of the time.
- I will exercise regularly (@ least 4 times per week).
- I will develop a system to ensure I care for my mental health (medication, med check up visits, CBT, etc.
- I will develop a system to ensure I practice daily mindful spiritual sessions.
- I will develop a system to ensure I practice daily creative endeavors (writing, drawing, creating).
Mother
- I will strengthen my relationship with Isaac by spending daily quality time with him and supporting him on his journey to adulthood.
- I will find a system to develop more engaging ways of learning and accomplishing homework in ways that make it easy and fun for him to learn.
Wife
- I will strengthen my relationship with Scott through intimacy and support.
Home Manager
- I will care for and maintain this house and yard properly and efficiently.
- I will plan, prepare and create healthy, wholesome meals.
Writer and Professional
- I will write at least 500 words daily at least 292 out of 365 days.
- I will contribute to one major print (Louisville Magazine, Time, American History, etc. or electronic (Scary Mommy, Business Insider, How Stuff Works, etc.) publication.
- I will publish articles, gain followers and make money from my own blogs – Colorful Characters of Louisville, History of American Presidential Elections,
- I will write and finish the first draft of my novel – Rose.
What Steps Have I Made to Reach My Goals?
Health
I ran/walk 3.3 miles today. I ran most of the way, but I needed breaks every now and then. That was frustrating because I have made the run earlier this week a couple of times without needing to walk. One of the problems was I was overdressed. I wore a long sleeve shirt. I should have went with my original idea to wear a short sleeve shirt. I changed it thinking mid-50’s running would be better with long sleeves.
I have ate better today, but I don’t think it was because of any system that I developed. I just so happened to be home most of the day today where I have better access to healthier choices.
I took my medication and vitamins today. I have not yet started the CBT process.
I spent some time this morning writing in my gratitude journal, but I wouldn’t call it spiritual mindfulness.
I have spent a lot of the day writing various topics, so I have been creative today.
Mother
I should have spent more one on one time with Isaac today. I was so focused on writing. I should have broke free and spent some of that time playing with him.
We did discuss the inaugaration of President Trump this morning. He had questions about Mr. Trump’s prior career (he thought Trump was a scientist) and also about George Washington and his prior career. I get the sense that someone mentioned that Washington was a doctor or had a doctor because he mentioned that a couple of times. Maybe that’s where Trump was a scientist came from.
Wife
Scott was a bit grumpy today. He didn’t sleep much last night, so he was easily irritated, overly sensitive and very defensive. I tried to support him as much as I could, but mostly I stayed out of his way.
Home Manager
I did laundry and the dishes. Does that count? It is a Saturday after all.
Writer and Professional
I wrote a lot today. I worked on my first presidential election blog. I think that will be ready to publish if I can continue working on it through out this week. I also want to turn it into a speech for my Lesson #5 speech in the next couple weeks and now I’m writing this thing (I’m not ready to call it a blog yet).
I have not worked on anything for a major publication yet, although if this first presidential article goes well I may submit it to American History magazine.
I have not worked on any of my novel today.
What Am I Grateful For?
- I am grateful for in-laws who took Isaac this evening. I’m able to think about these blogs this way.
- I am grateful for ideas and experiments that I can try out before I publish anything.
What Good Did I Do Today?
- I made Scott chocolate milk today.
642-7
How you feel about love these days
When I was young I really wanted the love at first sight, know this is my true love/soul mate person of my favorite 80’s romantic comedy movies to be true. I wanted to be pursued (in witty/funny ways of course) and feel confident enough to reject the pick up lines at least 2 times before ever thinking of giving in. I wanted my male counter part to see me reading my book in a coffee shop or chatting with a girlfriend in a café and just as he was about to get the courage up to speak to me a group of senior citizens/cyclists/high school band members and their instruments/ block the path just as I or we got up to leave the table and exit out the nearest door. He was supposed to go through every crazy step of tracking me down (because, of course, the local butcher knew everything about me). He would take me on a first date that was well planned, paid for with his college fund or money that came from no where because he was this down and out, but oh so nice honest charming guy just to prove to me how much he wanted to be with me and that he knew we were meant for each other. Soul mates/true love forever and always. The End.
These days I see love as a spark of interest, but cultivated through time, culture, interest, patience, practice, respect and growing and evolving together. It requires one partner to be brave at times while the other is required to be vulnerable. Neither role is valued superficially, but peering beneath the surface the benefits are huge.
Rather than writing movies about boy meets girl and lives happily ever after movies should be written where girl meets herself and learns how to truly love herself in mind, body and spirit with patience and respect. Granted this is not very entertaining. It is a very unsexy movie with no outward adventure. The real adventure is going on the inside, but until movie cameras can record the growth and evolution of the mind entertaining it is not. Nor does it speak for real love. And the people watching those movies can easily transfer him or herself into those movies leaving themselves confused and hopeless while waiting for that moment to happen to her. Meanwhile she might “settle” for the next best thing, but all the while she has her eye open for that one glorious event.
Still others swear it happens to them. But after the event what happens? Beyond the adrenaline and endorphin rush of love at first sight one must understand that there is still the flame that must be cultivated with practice, patience and respect. And those love spark endorphins are addictive. The constant day to day of building a relationship even if true love/soul mates are involved can be daunting. Still loving a person when you’re mad as hell or when times get tough can seem like a hopeless lifetime war. That potential spark sitting over in the corner seems to offer a portal to everlasting happiness with no effort, battle or drudgery. Gnawing on your tongue while your partner is doing that same frustrating behavior again; the one he or she promised she would never do again, but you knew better that he or she doesn’t even know that she’s doing it and wouldn’t do it if she could help it or see from another person’s perspective and that she really is trying to break that habit just to improve herself and because she knows it’s important to you makes your tongue very tender over the years.
And watching your friends bounce from relationship to relationship or marriage to marriage declaring each time that this is the one is tough. You know that you will never have those passion endorphins running through your veins again. While your love has a solid foundation it no longer involves the excitement of fresh flowers, limousines, romantic encounters and the possibilities of a new relationship. You know what to expect from day to day. And it can be anything, but romantic. You start to hope for your friend that this is the one. That maybe after a lifetime of rocket relationships for her with a fast fall this is the one. And if this is the one for her. Maybe it is still out there for you too. Maybe true love does exist and once it is found everything falls into place for a lifetime of passion, and romantic encounters that were there from day one. You live vicariously through her. Where did he take you tonight? Since when did you become professional football’s number one fan? I’ve known you all these years and I’ve never seen you ice skate before. Even the allure of a person becoming a much happier all around better person because of this new relationship is attractive. Maybe if it really is out there it can happen to me too and I’ll become a much nicer person just glowing from goodness. You are actually jealous of your friend, but you know in the back of your mind that this will never last. A solid relationship is about trying to make a perfect union out of two un-perfect people.
642-6
Note – the next assignment is supposed to be Tell a Story That Begins With A Ransom Note. I can’t do that. I can’t even imagine kidnapping someone and writing a letter demanding money for their safe return. And I sure can’t imagine carrying out the part of the kidnapper if they money is not received. I wouldn’t know where to begin with that one so in that respect I am moving to
Something You Had That Was Stolen.
Today is a day that I am going to look at this topic very superficially. I could go deeper, but it is too depressing. So I’ll talk about my 2 cell phones that were stolen.
The first one was a cheap one that came with the phone service. I had held out getting a cell phone for so long. I didn’t want to be found all that bad, but Scott finally convinced me. I liked it. It was fine. I could send and receive pictures on it with text messaging which was novel and neat, but when the new smart phones started to emerge I prided myself on making do with my standard issue phone. I didn’t need all of that other stuff and I certainly didn’t need the cell phone bill that came with it.
It was stolen on the day that we were flying back from Peurto Rico after the end of our Carribean cruise with some friends. The night before we had been up drinking and we only slept a couple hours before waking at 5 to catch our 7 am flight. Needless, to say I was tired and eager to use the next couple hours in the air catching some needed ZZZZs. This flight had the four of us split up. I was sitting next to a man that I didn’t know, but didn’t think much about it. However, in my sleep deprived haze I set my phone on my lap. It must have been stolen while I was asleep. I didn’t even think about it until I got to the connecting flight airport terminal and went to check any voice mail messages as I had been in the job search process. But the phone was no where to be found. I dug through everything in my carry on and my pockets. I was still convinced that I was just tired and not thinking clearly and sure it would pop up once I got enough sleep, but just to be sure I called the cell phone service and had the phone shut off while we were waiting for our connecting flight. In just those couple hours the phone had made several calls to various locations in Puerto Rico. We had the plan long enough to get another phone for free, so the logistics worked out but I still felt violated and vulnerable for many days after that.
My second stolen cell phone stung a bit more. This was my first iPhone. It was expensive and by that time it had my whole world stored in it. Isaac was not even a year old yet. We were traveling to visit my mom and stopped on the way for a quick bite at the local mcdonald’s. Since Isaac didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2 -1/2 we were perpetually sleep deprived and thinking back should not have been driving that distance on the few hours of sleep that we had. Isaac also had gastro intestinal issues during his first year. By the time we stopped he was just screaming. In my haste to get him out of his car seat to comfort him I left my phone sitting on the dashboard. I also don’t think I closed my passenger side door wide open. I recall a man sitting in his car next to us on my side of the car, but didn’t think much about it at that time either. When we came back to the car after dinner in the restaurant I remembered that I left my phone in the car, but it was gone. The passenger side door was closed, but unlocked so I either did close the passenger side door or the thief was kind enough to close the door for me to not provide incentives to other thieves. I couldn’t cancel that service until we arrived at my parents because I could not get cell phone service in the hills of Kentucky and Tennessee. I had to wait until I arrived at my mom’s house to use her land line. By that time – several hours later many, many calls were made to destinations all over the country. I spent the next several hours stopping the service and changing passwords to websites that connected directly to my phone and then several more hours awake trying to remember it I got all of the sites updated. No charges were made in my name for items purchased and shipped during that time, so I must have got the important financial sites changed in time. We bought a cheap temporary phone to use for the next few months until we were allowed an upgrade. Again, I felt violated and vulnerable.
642 – 5
You are an astronaut. Describe your perfect day.
I struggle with describing my perfect day on Earth much less outer space. But here are a few bullets describing the things I would like to see as an astronaut.
- The blue marble of earth.
- Food floating in the air before I eat it.
- Walking/floating around in space.
- The moon up close and personal.
- Space junk
- Learning how all the gadgets work.
- Riding in a moon rover
- Floating from one room to the next
- Doing a back flip
- Seeing the sun as a gaseous ball unfiltered with clouds and atmosphere.
Frankly, unless I can enter outer space with out the pressure of shooting off in rocket I don’t want to do it. Just taking off in flight is too much for me. I’m not afraid to fly I just don’t like the pressure on my head as the plane gathers speed. Once we’re cruising I’m fine. I don’t suspect a rocket take off is any easier. I even suspect that once I get used to anti gravity the vomiting will stop too and I’m prepared to wait that out as well. Just taking riding some sort of ride at Disney World made me never want to ride in that ride or a rocket ever again. the pressure on my head hurt so much that I closed my eyes most of the way and in the end I was so sick I had to sit down for a break before we could move again. I didn’t vomit, but I felt like I would feel much better if I just got it over and vomited. It is not a ride that I ever want to do again. So until I can be beamed into space comfortably I’ll just enjoy the pictures.
642 – 4
Write Facebook status updates for the year 2017.
December 31, 2017
I reached every goal that I set for myself this year.
As a mother I have cracked the code of reaching Isaac. He is in 2nd grade and loves it. He loves going to school. He is thriving on all levels. He just loves to learn. He understands that learning is his ticket to a happier life and learning the fundamentals (including reading and writing) are the building blocks. I have finally found the wire that I can connect with him. I can reach him and support him and help him find alternative ways to understand the concept at hand. He is managing himself and relishes in the challenge. He is still afraid of certain things, but looks upon these fears as tasks that can be mastered and conquered and so approaches them enthusiastically because he is afraid.
As a healthy person I am running 5 miles per day 5 days per week. I eat to fuel my runs and in turn my body and mind. I still enjoy myself with ice cream, peanut butter and other faves in moderation and mainly in social or family situations, but I generally want to eat healthier foods because I can tell that my body just feels that much better when I do. I am now craving that feeling more than the unhealthy food. I do my sit ups and push ups everyday. I’m up to 50 each now. I weight train 4 times per week (2x upperbody and 2x lowerbody). I do yoga 2x per week. I love the stretching.
As a wife I feel a strong sensual desire for Scott. We have found a lovemaking ritual that is spiritual and uplifting. It is deep passionate connection that we continually crave and are able to fulfill. At almost 19 years of marriage and 24 years together I didn’t think it was possible to feel any closer to him, but I do.
As a home manager my family only has to worry about how they will relax when the arrive home in the evenings and on the weekends or holidays. The house is clean and comfortable to them. The yard is maintained and with the exception of any house or yard projects that Scott wants to tackle for his own learning he need only worry about his next relaxing hobby task. Errands are for fun only and laundry/ironing, dishes, cleaning is always under control.
As a professional I have steady income writing articles for magazines and blogs. Plus I have the added bonus of traveling for research and charging the expenses to the patron. I take on projects as time allows after house, family and volunteering at school are covered yet I still make a viable income and if all continues to go as planned I will be earning in the high 6 digits by this time next year allowing us to pay off the remodeling loan early in 2019 and for Scott to take time off to figure out his place in this world and how he can do what make’s him happiest everyday.
I knew this life was possible. Now I just need to tell the world.
642-3
A houseplant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live.
Dear Houseplant,
You need to live because we need you in our lives. Especially now. The green that represents life is mostly gone as winter approaches. Everything looks dead, brown and grey. Even when it is sunny the brown twigs and trunks of dormant trees clutters the blue sky. There is not enough blue or sun to make one happy to look outside. The world needs color. Especially those of us who struggle more in the winter. We need to look out into a happy healthy world to brighten our grey dormant world inside. For those of us who feel barren inside during the winter we need plants and green to look healthy and bright. We need to know that the world we feel on the inside does not extend to the outside as well. We need to have at least one source of positive light during this time. For us it is peering into a key whole of a beautiful world. It is addicting. We can’t look away. We crave it. We yearn for sunny warm spring days to counterbalance the cold grey barren landscape of our inner psyche. We are aware that our minds are out of sorts. We look to you plants to give us hope. If you’re healthy we still have hope that we can one day be healthy too. If you are dying our hope dies with you. We need you to remember to care for ourselves. If we care for ourselves we will stay alive for another day. We will in turn appear bright and healthy for those looking upon us which will hopefully inspire them to do the same for others. We need your breath to fill our lungs and your color to brighten our vision. We need your hardiness to stick around even when we forget to treat you right. one baby step at a time allows us to feel we’ve accomplished something. If you can go for a few days without water we will eventually come out of ourselves long enough to water you, but if you are not hardy enough to withstand the drought we will dive even deeper into ourselves and will have the climb out that much more to assist others who need us. There may not be enough time.
642 -2
The Worst Thanksgiving Dish You Ever Had
As I started to say yesterday, the worst Thanksgiving dish I ever had was the Stovetop Dressing.
Perhaps this wouldn’t be the case if it were all I knew about dressing, but I was spoiled from early on with my great-grandmother’s bread dressing. The warm moist mush of brined turkey juice and white bread warmed my mouth, my belly and my heart. Conversely, the dry cold thick wet sand of Stovetop dressing–no matter the flavor brought a chill to my mouth, stomach and heart.
Stovetop dressing aside from it’s chemical flavor and sandy grit represents years of eating thanksgiving dinner in a cold dark tense messy and dirty kitchen with the tv blaring football in the background and food made because it was the thing to do.
These were the years that my dad still reeling from divorce tried to do right by us having thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. because it what a family does, but one could feel that it just wasn’t him.
I get it. I hate to cook too. I’m no longer working a full time job and feel the strong desire to use a long weekend or at least a midweek holiday to relish a small break only to find out that now I have to do another kind of work. I still hate to cook and to be forced to in order to feed sometimes ungrateful people (in our case his own spawns). This time of year is even worse. The grey skies and cold temperatures combined with the coming stress of the holidays spending cash you don’t have for things people don’t need (and ultimately don’t want) and visiting people you don’t like makes me want to hide under a flannel blanket until spring rather than working to serve.
Homemade bread dressing represents a happy thanksgiving to me. Namely that someone else is cooking and it will turn out wonderfully. When I cook it doesn’t turn out most of the time. Therefore I can usually take no pride in it and don’t enjoy the work spent when I could spend that time doing something that I love.
Homemade bread dressing represents a warm kitchen. Warm enough that you have to leave the room just to get some cooler air although your belly is nice and warm and that warmth resonates your body warming up and loosening tight muscles like a warm shower.
Homemade bread dressing represents reading in a quiet room. Others can watch and listen to the football game as long as I have a quiet area to read, daydream, plan and imagine.
Homemade bread dressing represents the thrill of the season to come. The money will be there, but most importantly you’re enjoying the season doing fun festive activities with people that you would spend time with anyway. It’s a beautiful way to wrap up a beautiful year.
Series 642 – 1
What can happen in a second
Sheesh! Did the first topic need to be so hard? The next prompt is the worst Thanksgiving dish you ever had. That’s easy for me–Stove Top dressing, which after eating my great-grandmother’s homemade bread dressing for years tasted like sandpaper upon arrival and represented a sad period watching my father struggle financially after a devastating divorce and attempting to raise my brother full time with me visiting a couple weekends of every month; not an easy time for any of us.
But what can happen in a second? Everything and nothing. Like a lot of abstract phenomenons it all depends on how it is seen.
Being present in the moment means that one can feel this second tick by as slowly as an hour. Within that slow motion second, just a touch of a keyboard, a single note of music, a sunny morning, a solitary taste of coffee, a scent of vanilla candle can transport one to a long forgotten memory or to an idea and life path otherwise unimagined.
Not being present in the moment can mean the second ticks by repetitively performing the same mundane task, in the same environment, with the same atmosphere and never realizing that life if moving on. Only when one looks up and becomes aware does he realize everything has changed and he can’t relate any longer.
What happened? I followed the rules. I got a job. I got a life. Shouldn’t there be more at the end of the day?
I want to be on the slow motion second side of the equation. I want to feel every second move by with all of my senses. I want to control my own destiny. I want to live life and provide for my family on my terms. I want to succeed doing it. I want to know that I am able to provide for my family, financially, in such a way that they can live for themselves and view how fortunate we are all to be here at this moment and at this time and in this place as it is all around us.
Series 642
In high school I loved to write and often thought that I would somehow end up writing as a career. To date it hasn’t happened. I graduated high school got a full time job and went to college. One day turned into another. When time allowed, I enjoyed researching and writing term papers, but a full time job, other college tasks and life didn’t allow much time. Therefore writing was more of a rush I can’t believe I have to do this right now job and not a rewarding exercise.
When I left my corporate life in May of 2014 I decided that I wanted to explore writing more as a hobby. My ever supporting husband bought me the 642 Things To Write About by The Sans Francisco Writers’ Grotto for Christmas of that year. It was very special to me because as I often flipped through it in the bookstore I never bought it for myself thinking it was a frivolous purchase and the $17 (which I now wasn’t earning) could be used in better ways. Why purchase a book that tells you what to write about when if one paid enough attention ideas abounded? However, secretly I was drawn to this book wherever it was placed in the bookstore.
I still have yet to use it. I find it in my bag of busy, in my closet, on my bookshelf. I want to write in it but something always comes up. After a couple years of soul searching, reading, writing and determining that I want to be a better version of me every day I have decided that I am going to commit to writing about everyone of the suggestions in this book.
I may not write every day and I can’t even promise to write once per week, but as we transition into 2017 something is better than nothing, right? If the idea is that to be a better writer one must write — then here I go!
Realize Admin 